So this is basically what my twitter feed looks like right now. I've expressed myself on snapchat since I feel more relaxed and comfortable on there. Nonetheless, yesterday someone contacted me and asked if I could please write about this on my blog since they were feeling the exact same way and wanted to know how to deal with it. I thought it was something risky to do since I've never opened up on a personal level here. I'm hoping this post helps anyone who is going through a rough time right now.
My normal routine has been different for the past year. If you don't know from reading my previous posts, 2016 was my worst year in history. & by worst I mean low. Low energy, low self esteem, I became a social media addict, a phone addict, I started drinking coffee, I started binge watching things on Netflix, I watched more tv, I exercised less, I started actually believing negative things people were saying about me, I traveled less, I slept and napped more, I ate more unhealthy things, I had no goals.. You get where I'm going with this. I was basically lost. I lost myself and I didn't even know it.
Then 2017 came and I made the yearly resolutions and by the second week of January I was back to my old habits. Just thinking about it saddens me. It truly does. It breaks my heart knowing that this is the same way millions of people are around the world and simply can't break those habits.
For the past 2 months I've been trying really hard to change my bad habits. I started to travel more often. This was just to keep myself busy and off the couch. Yesterday, I finally got the courage to disconnect my cable. This was also something that was ruing my life (it's as dramatic as it sounds). My kids wouldn't want to play outside, they would just want to watch tv.. as soon as they woke up, while eating, and late at night. That's a problem! In the beginning I didn't see it. Now I do. & I say 'better late than never'.
A few days ago I got really sick (snapchat fam knows). I was barfing, stomach wasn't very happy, I was exhausted, had a fever and I didn't know why. Some of you suggested maybe I was pregnant? Sad to say, I'm not. It crossed my mind maybe it was just the change of weather. Then, the day after I was sick, I felt amazing and new. I can't really explain it. I simply felt good inside. Like my soul was there, present. As if I was gone for awhile and now I'm back. I know how crazy this may sound but if you're reading this.. read it slowly and process what I'm saying. Then you might understand.
I believe this 'sickness' was a detoxification. One of my favorite quotes from Paulo Coelho is “And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” I feel that's exactly what happened here. I was lost for so long and I would constantly pray for help in being a better mother, wife and overall a better person. I had a sudden impulse to start doing yoga again. To start meditating and going outside. Listening to less music and embracing silence. I started drinking more herbal tea without any sweetness (like I used to back in 2015). I find that by doing this I'm changing the way my body craves sugar. Therefore, the less sugar I intake, the less sugar I crave. It's almost like unknowingly detoxifying your body and soul because you do know how bad sugar is for you right? Know that life IS about having healthy habits. So do something different today. Something that will better off your life. Something productive. Fellow Dominicas and Bengalis, stop eating so much rice. Fellow Americans, stop eating so much fast food. This all affects your way of thinking and your overall health.
Before you go, I want to touch base on social media. It's a little weird for me to be talking about it since it is my actual job. Nonetheless, it's all about balance. During my low year I was on my phone 24/7. I would wake up, grab my phone and would be on it for at least an hour before brushing my teeth. I would be on my phone all day and get nothing done and complain "where did the time go?". I would constantly compare myself to people on social media. Wonder why they achieved that level of success in so little time and why it's taking me so long to reach a worthless number next to my profile picture. It all became a race. I started to magnify my 'flaws'. I would fall asleep while using my phone. Social media was practically the air that I breathe. I started suffering from migraines, teeth grinding and insomnia. I'm not a doctor but it's pretty obvious that social media was becoming a problem in my life. Who am I? I would constantly ask myself. The craziest part is that from the outside, I looked happy as can be. It took me awhile to realize the problem and change my bad habits.. but I'm glad I did. This whole experience has tough me more than I could ever write. Starting with; 'Don't judge a book by its cover'. 'Everyone has personal struggles'. 'Always be nice to people because you don't know what they're going through'.
Today, March 24th (on my little sister Emily's birthday) I write this to help you change your life for the better. Know that realizing the problem is the start.
I'll leave you with a few quotes from Paulo Coelho.
“There are moments when troubles enter our lives and we can do nothing to avoid them. But they are there for a reason. Only when we have overcome them will we understand why they were there.”
“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”
“Love is not to be found in someone else but in ourselves; we simply awaken it. But in order to do that, we need the other person.”
“You are what you believe yourself to be.”
“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It’s one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it’s another to think that yours is the only path.”
“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”
“Never be ashamed,’ he said. ‘Accept what life offers you and try to drink from every cup. All wines should be tasted; some should only be sipped, but with others, drink the whole bottle.’ ‘How will I know which is which?’ ‘By the taste. You can only know a good wine if you have first tasted a bad one.”
“Everything tells me that I am about to make a wrong decision, but making mistakes is just part of life. What does the world want of me? Does it want me to take no risks, to go back to where I came from because I didn’t have the courage to say “yes” to life?”
“Really important meetings are planned by the souls long before the bodies see each other. Generally speaking, these meetings occur when we reach a limit, when we need to die and be reborn emotionally. These meetings are waiting for us, but more often than not, we avoid them happening. If we are desperate, though, if we have nothing to lose, or if we are full of enthusiasm for life, then the unknown reveals itself, and our universe changes direction.”